Throwback Thursdays - The Marshall Mathers LP

I know it's like #thongthursday but conceal your perverted thirst momentarily while I take you back to the year 2000.

"I remember being in the 5th grade. Geeky narcissistic kid but really benign. Never used profanity before purposely. As a matter of fact, I despised cursed words. I think it all started on my birthday and my brother and I share the same b-day (1 year apart) so my mother like to buy us one gift that would benefit the both of us because she was always broke. I swear to Jesus, she brought us Will Smith's newest cd Willenium, and Eminem's cd The Marshall Mather's LP simultaneously. The polar opposite of each other so I'm at crossroad between good and evil. She had absolutely no clue how detrimental Eminem's lyrics could be. That Will album got trashed and luckily all that I inherited from the Em album was a foul mouth. I didn't want to kill the 5th grade bully even though the thoughts were tempting. (im joking)"

What I did inherit, was the best hip-hip album ever created. It's my opinion but try not disagreeing with the majority of white america, they agree with me. I know Illmatic is supposedly the hip-hop bible but I never heard it, sue me. That's neither here of there, but lets speak about some details.

This was Eminem's sophomore album and with the strength of his first album "The Slim Shady LP" people were optimistic. So who really listened to this album and was disappointed? I would like to meet that person in person. This album was a straight play-through and is critically acclaimed to be his best album. If you have a sense a humor and can tolerate his misogynistic, sexist, prejudice, derogatory lyrics, you will love this.

Do I even need to tell you how evil Eminem is? He is the Tiger Woods of rap, I'll save you the biography. There's a song on here that he descriptively tells you how he kills his wife. Kim is the song title and never before have I heard such originality. I was frightened to hear so much yelling but some part of me really loved it. It seemed poignant and from the outside looking in, you could tell he really loved/hated her tremendously. Criminal is the last song on the 18 track album and it's like to perfect ending to a movie. We took a step into a crazed maniac's mind who seems like a serial killer but it's not meant to be taken seriously. He even says "shit half the shit I say I just make it up to make you mad, so kiss my white naked ass"

I think my favorite track is Marshall Mathers because he stops the acts for half a second and give the listeners some insight on what it cost to be famous. The beef, the rumors, the lawsuits, the women, the fans, it.gets.real. There's also tracks like Drug Ballad, Remember Me, Kill You, Under The Influence, etc and I haven't even mentioned the radio joints like Stan, The Real Slim Shady, The Way I Am but who am I kidding, I love them all.

This album was one of the few rap albums that went diamond and it would be an insult to not call this a classic. THANK YOU EMINEM GOD!

Read More

Can White People Say The N-Word?

In the light of Madonna's recent attempt of unilaterally joining the black community through Instagram, I thought I should give white people an update on black people and our feelings towards the word 'nigga'. Nigga, nigga, nigga. Before I jump into that, I just want to mention that Madonna is on Instagram, she dated Chris Rock, she adopted a black baby from Zimwabawhoever, and she's 55 years old. You can say all of those things will qualify for a 'hood pass' but I don't give out passes, I just find all of those things to be extremely weird. But can Madonna say 'nigga'?
Here's Madonna's official comment:

I don't know who the fuck dirty soap is and why she was using nigga in that context, but to each it's own. If you're white and you want to yell out nigga for no reason like you have tourettes syndrome, that's totally up to you. To answer the question is YES, you have my permission white nigga.

Meanwhile, white people are freaking the fuck out. Madonna is a very notable white woman of stature. She is top tier white people, and probably will be shamed in the next white people meeting. Meanwhile, niggas do not give a fuck. Niggas have not gave a fuck since the NAACP buried the word back 2007. Nigga had a funeral and everything. Well Madonna and dirty soap dug that motherfucka up and she got it for the low. Word up.

Depending on what bubble you live in, white people have been saying 'nigga'. Since I'm a big comedy fan, I know white comics who use the word liberally. It doesn't bother me because it's not racist. Racism bothers me. Shit, white people invented the word, let em say it! You're entitled to exercise your freedom of speech rights just as much as black people. Rappers say nigga all the time in their music knowing that they have white fans expecting white people to pause themselves out of guilt. Dawg, nobody looking, just say it.

I heard the confusion from white people over the years asking why do we say the word to each other, but don't want another race to say it to us? That is not a dumb question white lady and I will be more than happy to educate you. To play nigga's advocate for a second, it all started from slavery....zzzzzz
To get to the point, it's our word now until we get our reparations. White people can't say it, unless you want us to take your yachts away. But that's bullshit right? Just say the fucking word. It's just a word! Just watch who you say it to and watch how you say it. It's nigga not nigger. Baby steps. It's a new generation by 2025, it'll be in the dictionary. Then they wont spellcheck you and put niggardly.

Here's a funny clip of Opie & Anthony listening to Drake's "Started From The Bottom"

Read More

Drake impersonates Lil' Wayne, Jay-Z, and Katt Williams on 'SNL' [Video]

Former Canadian soap opera actor turned rapper Drake, was invited as a host and a musical guest on SNL last night. As one of the most diverse rappers in the game, my expectations were far from low. The only potential setback is that Drake doesn't come from a comedy background. So how did he do?

Well, in case you were actually enjoying your Saturday night like a normal human being unlike myself, Drake was great on SNL. He's no Kerry Washington or Justin Timberlake, but he's amazing on screen; and I'm not just saying that because I'm lightskin. The highlights of his performances were the spoofs of his rapper comrades Lil' Wayne and Jay-Z, and comedian Katt Williams. They weren't the funniest bits, but to see him impersonate these people was hilarious.

Here's the only video I could find of the Katt Williams parody. Watch it before NBC deletes it. More will be coming soon. Comment below and let me know how you felt about his performance.

Drake Monologue - SNL 1-18-14

Cold Open - Piers Morgan Live (Drake) - SNL 1...

Resolution Revolution - Drake - SNL 1-18-14

Drake - Poetry In Detention - SNL 1-18-14

Big congratulations to the lovely Sasheer Zamata on her first on air performance on SNL. Hope everything works out for ya! 

Read More

Artist Of The Week - Pusha T

One half of Clipse the dynamic duo, Pusha T registered himself as a solo artist for the last few years. In the meantime, signing with G.O.O.D. Music and beefing with the self proclaimed "best rapper alive" Lil Wayne.

http://youtu.be/-Evs0wwnuak

Pusha T and his brother No Malice (formerly Malice of the Clipse) have always been known to reference the bible in their music. As the beef begins to ensue, Pusha T dropped Exodus 23:1 a song dissing Lil' Wayne. For those of you who aren't religious (raises hand) verse 1 in the 23rd chapter reads "You shall not spread a false report. You shall not join hands with a wicked man to be a malicious witness" It's kind of ironic that he's saying this but that's just my opinion.

Lil' Wayne did retaliate with a diss song called Ghoulish and blatantly disses Pusha T which is abnormal for rappers nowadays. "Fuck Pusha T and anybody that love him". He even took the time to write that on Twitter. Seems as if everybody (mainly the smart people) is siding with the victor of course; which is Pusha T. This might be a stepping stone for him and that's why he is the artist of the week.

The G.O.O.D. Music album reportedly is supposed to drop in Spring 2012. Summer starts June 20th. Let's hope Kanye keep his word.

Read More

The Asshole Handbook

RELATED ARTICLES

"The Friend Zone Has Been Breached" by Intelligent Hoodlums

"Nice guys finish last" something Stanley Ipkiss would say.

This article is esoteric for the demure introvert males of our generation. If the memo hasn’t been emailed to you yet, check your spam. There's ways of getting women who don’t "like you, like you". Like that chick Lila from Hey Arnold? It’s precisely like that situation. Why? To be completely honest, it’s because you’re a bitch and women like assholes.

Looking at you (let’s pretend I’m standing in front of you) reminds me of myself 5 years ago. You might not be as attractive as me but new flash; looks have absolutely nothing to do with it. If you didn’t know, kindness and an unattractive physical presence are asymmetrical. I can name numerous ugly fat slovenly dudes who been getting pussy since the cradle. What you need to do is take a sip of this assholism and get your mind right. I created some steps to the path of a woman’s vagina. If you're looking for love and willing to endure another 90 days of blue balls, read Steve Harvey's book.

Step 1: Identifying the Situation

If you’re comfortable in the friend zone, I’m here to tell you, you're delusional and that platonic shit is wack. Best friends are just friends you haven’t fucked…yet. Emphasize on the word “yet”. If I know you like I think I know I you, you are a very angry person on the inside. You take this chick to work, you drive her home, you hemorrhage money, you’re there for her when she cries, and at the end of the day, somebody else is going to stick a penis in every orifice of her body while you masturbate violently at home in your room and cry yourself to sleep. That's you right?

Step 2: Revaluating the Situation

So back to this anger issue; utilize all of that built up animosity and become a degenerate asshole. The Book of Assholism preaches the word of free will. No longer will you be carrying purses and picking up babies that aren’t yours. No longer will you be squandering your cash on pussy doesn’t belong to you. No longer will you lend your shoulder to cry on, you are made. Fellas, we need collateral. Tit(s) for tat. Foots are down and will be in ass if penis is not sucked. No more slave chores until she giveth thee pussy.

Step 3: Ignore Button

She could always depend on you for everything but now that her calls and texts can’t get through, and realizes she needed you more than ever. She’s getting all sentimental but don’t let her fool you, it’s clearly a charade. Keep your conversations to a minimum and be real short. Just when she gets emotional, bounce back with that sweet resilience and flirt with other girls in her face. If you can’t do it in person or at all, tell her all about how Stacy gave you the number and you two are going out. It doesn't even have to be true. Trust me, no matter how much she doesn’t think she like you, she does and she will be jealous.

Step 4: Infatuate The Base

Get her alone and movie night it up. Doesn't even have to be a chick flick; preferably something she's not into and keep the volume low, because we need to talk. Talk about her feelings and shit and she will spill her soul about how much she's been hurt in the past. She finally has your attention again and that's all it takes to slide on home base. Catch my drift.

Step 5: If All Fails

If you’re not fucking by Step 4, then date rape her. No in all seriousness the alienating part will fucking drive her crazy and then when she finally corners you, tell her how you feel. The biggest lie a woman can tell is “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now” due to bad priors but my mans that’s a lie. Unless she was literally raped, then it’s a lie and she’s just leading you on until she finds someone better. That’s why it’s your mission to show her that it’s YOU that she’s been looking for her whole life. 5 years from now she will but then it will be too late. You will be completely over her and vise versa. It never fails.

As an asshole I feel it’s my purpose on Earth to spread this wisdom to my fellow brethren. You're welcome.

Read More

Brian McKnight's "How To Make Your Pussy Work"

Sir, the slander is upon you. In cased you missed it last night, Brian McKnight resurrected six feet from the rhythm & blues graveyard like hologram Tupac to release a preview of his "adult mix tape". These words came from his mouth. It was extremely vulgar, blunt, and educational? "let me show you how your pussy works" is chorus to this embarrassment. I'm guessing women need a 42 year old singer, musically show them how to utilize their vaginas. He gets right to the point with confidence almost like he predicted a Grammy or at least an Ozone Award. I'm not completely opposed towards the idea, but he needs better lyrics. He should just go along with it because the media will exploit this and bad publicity is still publicity right?




His r&b peers poked fun at the manner on Twitter. I mean F-list celebrities with glass houses like Eric Benet "I need more twitter followers, I think I'll write a Brian McKnight type romantic gynecology mix tape" Same dude who repeatedly cheated on Halle Berry. Who told this faggot he could speak publicly again?

Also Teairra Mari commented "Let Me Show You How Your Pu**Y Works" Brian McKnight REALLLY??? LOL" Ho.......you need a Sponsor and you ain't had no daddy around when you was growing up. Keep them little rocks for yourself.

Haha I'm just talking shit, later days...

Read More

Metta World Peace Apologizes...Again

I don't know what you see here but I see the face of a champion...

That is the face of Martin Luther King Jr. This is the face of humility. That is the face of a baby eater. What NBA player you know has the hunger of a baby eater? Yeah, we waited. They make this man seem like a thug or a loose cannon. I think he's very sensitive and mentally sane. Here's footage of James Harden getting in Metta's way last night.

 

To me it looked like a preemptive strike. James Harden was tapping him on his back and he counterattacked with the people's elbow just like self defense class teaches you to do. David Stern enforced the "don't touch Metta while he's celebrating" rule last year and I guess James forgot. We only get to see Metta score like once every leap year so let him relish in the moment!

In James Soften's defense, Metta World Peace was supposed to endure those love taps because he promotes peace. So he apologized right after killing James Harden's family.

James Harden wasn't available for comments on the situation, we believe he's still in the arena. Reports from the chief of police says "if he doesn't get up soon, we're going to have to outline him with chalk".  

This situation was right after Metta apologized for 9/11. Remember the notorious baby eater has full immunity so can we just leave him alone please? 

Thank You.

Read More