I Fucking Hate Church

                           

I have always hated church from as long as I can remember. My grandmother used to take us and I all I could think about is when the fuck are we going home? Then she stopped taking us and I haven't been there consistently in over 10 years. I have always been smart enough to think outside the box and keep an open mind about this skepticism. I was scared to blasphemed the name of Jesus Christ and say what I really felt about boring ass church because I thought hell was real. Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to tell you hell or heaven doesn't exist so you can hate church and Jesus Christ himself as much as you want.

I remember always telling my brainwashed peers about how much church was boring to me and they always say the same things, "my church not boring, come here" "my pastor fun and we can wear whatever we want". Yeah, not going to church is already fun enough for me and I can wear whatever I want at home. That's 4 hours of sleep that i'll never get back. What's my motivation to burn gas on my off day, just so some in a pimp in a suit makes me put money in his hat?  

I don't know much about the bible just the main points like don't use god's name in vain, don't worship anything other god, and don't have gay sex. What a positive message. There's also things like don't have sex before marriage and don't masturbate. I lost my virginity when I was 17 and I had zero plans of marrying that girl. As far as masturbating goes, I got caught molesting myself to asian porn when I was 13 and it's been on ever since. I have no plans of putting my life in the hands of some man in the sky who doesn't exist. 

There's nothing more annoying than you hypercritical church goers. Always quick to judge people but your in church faking the holy ghost. Speaking in tongues will forever to be funny to me. I'm actually laughing while typing this. It's like I guess if people believe they're super saiyans now, they think it's cool to be super Christians. 

Miracle Spring Water

I don't know if anybody has ever stayed up late enough to see this infomercial about this faulty product called Miracle Spring Water. Supposedly if you drink this water, you get a check in the mail for some random number of money like $7,136.19. People actually testify and say this but never mention where the money comes from. Could it be that they forgot that they filed their income taxes early or their just being payed off by this mentally insane pastor? Either way it's fucking ridiculous because it damn sure didn't come from God. This is the type of bullshit that keeps me alienated from anybody who believes in this shit.  

So what if you're wrong and you're going to church for no reason? To keep this short and sweet (because I know you have to get back to your veggie tales and whatnot) the difference between you and me is I'm not selling certainty from fictional tales. If you're being forced to go to church, my heart goes out to you. If you're old enough to make your own decisions then I persuade you to stop being a sheep and following the road to mediocrity. Church is the devil bobby and admit it, it's boring as hell (no pun intended).