Movies That Sucked! Superhero Edition

I am not a professional critic and I've never read comic books. This a viewers opinion mixed with scrutiny and satire about your least favorite comic books movies. Here are the losers in no specific order (in order).

10. The Punisher (2004) 

Thomas Jane, John Travolta // critics 29% audience 68% 

Looks kind of cool doesn't it? No, it sucked. The Punisher was always this cool guy who showed up on Spiderman every blue moon. This movie has absolutely no connection with Peter Parker or anybody else interesting enough for a greenlight. You're not reaching for the stars if you ever compared this sob story to Max Payne. I didn't notice how corny this movie was until then end when he blew everything up and his signature scull logo made of fire transpired miraculously of out the middle of nowhere. John Travolta wasn't bad in this movie so it's really not the worst thing I've ever seen. Max Payne with Marky Mark and Ludacris playing a detective is worse so it's better than something.

9. Ghost Rider (2007) 

Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendez // critics 27% audience 56% 

Hey a flaming skeleton head guy who rides a motorcycle at night with a kick ass biker chain....starring Nicolas Cage? No....no....NO. Jesus fucking holy christ this movie was awful. I hate 98% of Nicolas Cage's movies and this didn't affect my judgement at all. This is a lame comic book turned lame comic book movie. Like a lot of neat things, it looks cool, but it's essentially not.

8. Superman Returns (2006) 

Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth 

critics 76% audience 67% 

Brandon Routh might look like Superman but wouldn't know if he actually sounds like him. The director might have told Brandon to just stand there and look pretty and whatever you do, don't talk. Kate Bosworth should not even be a contender for Lois Lane but...whatever. Kevin Spacey could of executed Lex Ludger better if they weren't too focus on how funny he was. And his diabolical plan was a little farfetched but we're talking about a man who fly's around with underwear over his pants. With 2 hrs and 34 minutes running time, only those 34 minutes were partially interesting.

7. Green Lantern (2011)

Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, Peter Sarsgaard, Tim Robbins 

Rotten Tomatoes: critics 27% users 47%

Let me be honest and say that I didn't see this movie but come on, this movie sucked. I grew up watching the black guy as Green Lantern (yes I am aware that he was originally white) but I was falsely told Derek Luke was a candidate and was excited about it. I can't take Ryan Reynolds serious nor the trailer for this ridiculous looking movie. Green Lantern is a lame superhero anyway but so is Captain America and that movie was ok.

6. Fantastic Four (2005)

Ian Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis

critics 27% audience 57%

Another mediocre superhero movie made for a family of Kate plus 8. This movie can sell Burger King combos but not a great review. Jessica Alba is one of the hot chicks (not to me) who gets type cast just to look good like Meagan Fox. Chris Evans was lucky enough to play two roles of a superhero in two movies that were borderline ok in averages. His character is the most intriguing though along with the villain. It's the rest that really asphyxiate the movie. It's clobbering time, stretch armstrong, and invisible girl are pretty lame super powers and really frustrating to watch when you're a grown up. 

5. Batman & Robin (1997) 

George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell, Alicia Silverstone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thurman

critics 13% audience 28%

I think Christopher Nolan had the perfect idea of what a Batman movie should look like. Batman is dark and non humorous. So when Arnold Schwarzenegger is quoting lines out of a Vanilla Ice song to reference his Mr. Freeze character, something is wrong. The thing about Batman & Robin and Batman Forever isn't really the script, it's the person playing Bruce Wayne. George Clooney is an exceptional actor but he is no Batman. I loved this movie as a kid. The costumes actually look cool -- but when you watch this as an adult, from beginning to end it's all downhill. 

4. Hulk (2003)

Eric Bana, Nick Nolte, Jennifer Connelly

critics 62% audience 34%

I can't believe this movie got a ripe tomato. This time the audience is right and the critics are wrong. Eric Bana looks like the worst actor in the world in this movie. I remember seeing this when I was 13 and it was lagging. 2 hours in and still trying to figure out what this movie was about. There are scenes in this movie that make me laugh because it's outrageously ridiculous. Luckily they made a better Hulk 5 years later with Edward Norton. 

3. Spiderman 3 (2007)

Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Topher Grace

critics 63% audience 54%

I've been asking this question for 4 years and never got an answer -- how the hell can you make Spiderman suck with the best villain EVER. This is Venom we're talking about! Who Topher Grace played. I always hated the cast of these movies but they always worked until now. There were too many obstacles in this movie, too many villains. Not to mention he started to be become a villain himself. Through the whole movie you're asking yourself "how can Peter Parker persevere?" and of course he finds a way because you know it's Tobey's last time filming spiderman. Just seemed to impossible for me. Even for a guy who crawls on walls and have spider webs shooting out of his hands. 

2. X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)  

Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber, Will.i.am

critics 37% audience 72%

Once again the critics are back on my side and I'll like to point out that the worst part of this movie was casting Will.i.am (who died btw). According to cosmic con geeks, this isn't the origin of Wolverine. So they didn't stick to the script. The script that they did stick to, sucked horribly. For some reason, everybody had the same bootleg movie with all of the missing cgi and you could see the green screens and line hooks on the actors (which was not the worst part of the movie). I never knew Wolverine was such a pussy before he was reborn with metal claws. Sabertooth was his brother (or comrade) and I didn't hate him but the one from the original X-Men was cooler. Overall, fuck this movie it was terrible.

1. Catwoman (2004)   

Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone 

critics 10% audience 34%

This is definitely the worst superhero movie I've ever seen. Catwoman isn't an interesting enough character to get a greenlight for a spinoff. Halle Berry was so corny and she is a horrible actress. It's not helping that her costume looks like something a 5 year old wore for Halloween. This movie was beyond dis interesting. From the narrative, to the romance, to the fights, to the antagonist. Nothing kept my attention. It was like watching the a hour and a half of WNBA in shitty costumes. This permanently makes all women superheros trash and Catwoman should share this #1 award with that movie nobody even cares to talk about, Elektra.